Thank God I got laid off!

Seriously, I mean it. A year ago I was driving to work every morning with my heart in my throat, praying that I would dodge the layoff bullet yet again. Then I'd sit at my computer and sweat as the rumors started coming in about who was hit by sniper fire in other departments, knowing it was a harbinger of what was coming to the creative department soon. Every time my phone rang I jumped. And I drank a lot of beer when coworkers gathered at the keg after work, trying to feel good about the place that was giving me so much anxiety. I mean a LOT of beer. I gained over thirty pounds working at that office. It wasn't a bad place to work before the evil discount store king pulled their account, but after that…

When I finally got my notice I thought the world would end. I was the primary bread winner for my family, and everything we had hinged on my ability to make a living.

I was the first one in to work that day, because something inside told me I HAD to get all my work backed up immediately. My gut could not have been more right. When the HR guy told me, all the air in the room was sucked out and my head started buzzing. Then the messages started coming in and panic started to spread around the office. Sure enough, people started falling like dominoes. The rumor was 14, and we started counting as the emails came in about who got hit. No one felt safe, because really talented people who had been there a long time were included. When the 14th individual was named, everyone else first breathed a sigh of relief, then started visiting the offices of the soon to be departed.

The one thing that made it all okay that day was that we were in good company. You can't get that upset when that many really good people with good reputations lose their jobs together. It wasn't personal. Economics forced the hands of the management. Our egos were mostly intact. Our luckier coworkers took us all to lunch and we drank beer. Then we came back to the office to pack up. In all the scary haze, there were moments of laughter as we came across memories in the drawers of our desks. In a strange way it was almost fun, because we were all embarking on the voyage together. Then we met at a bar after work and drank lots more.

Well, the world hasn't ended. More people from the office have joined our ranks, and to my knowledge only a rare soul here and there has gotten full time employment. But my two best buds from the office and I are making it on our own. Our good reputations have served us well, and we are getting work and paying the bills. We are so much more relaxed now that we know the bottom that dropped out was a false bottom, and below it was a trampoline that would spring us to happier places.

The most awesome thing for me personally is that I'm painting again, and I'm exploring art quilting techniques. I'm amazed that the skills are still there after being stagnant for so long, and I'm growing by leaps and bounds. I don't see boundaries anymore. I know that I will have booths in art fairs around the country, and that eventually my work will hang in galleries. Between freelance work and pet portraits I am paying the bills while I'm building my business.

I love that my success is no longer dependent on office politics or my ability to project the image my superiors are looking for. I don't have to try to fool people into thinking I am younger than I am. My image is dependent only on my desires, and being an artist gives me the freedom to let my hair go salt and pepper, wear exotic clothing if the urge strikes, and do whatever I want for the most part. I don't stress about whether my home reflects the same standards as those of my coworkers, or whether my weekends give me fodder for interesting elevator conversation. I revel in things that I didn't have time to notice before, like the gorgeous colored leaves of Fall that are surrounding me right now. If my daughter gets sick and needs me to stay home with her, or something happens with my family and I need to leave town, I don't worry that it will put my name on a list on someone's desk. I've got something new to be thankful for everyday now.

So the lesson for me is that there really isn't much to fear. My worst fear happened, and it turned out to be one of the best things to happen to me. I am finally becoming the person I used to daydream of being whenever I was not enjoying my job, and I didn't have to win the lottery to do it. So I face the future now with calm, knowing that frightening prospects can bring new adventures with valuable lessons to be learned. Life is good.